My Semi Charmed Crazy Life

Sleeping Beauty

2003-10-27T23:00:16Z

Well,

Kari had to work at 6:00am this morning! Oh my my... That is even earlier than I get up every day. I am sure she will be sleeping when I get home, b/c if she does not nap, she will be kinda grouchy, and I don't want that! I would sleep if I were her.... Today has been a great day at work, b/c I have not done ANYTHING! This weekend was good, we had Uriah (Angie's son) and Sat. and Sun I ran CAT-5 wiring to Kari and Kymberlee's rooms. Having those wires running down the hall was annoying. I wanted to do it sooner, but there was now way in hell I was going to make Don's life any "nicer"... I also moved a cable outlet, and put a shelf on the wall in Kymberlee's room so that things would look better in there for her. That room is turning out nice. I need to put an power outlet in behind her TV to eliminate one more cord hanging down... I feel bad for Kari today... She had a shitty day at work, and I wish that I was there to help make things better... Well I need to go.

I don't know...

2003-10-03T17:01:45Z

Kari is affraid that she is losing me, or that I am leaving. If this is true, then she knows something I do not. I just feel like she puts me as her "Sole Source of Happiness" and that really is a lot of pressure on me. She says that she is not, but I feel like I have to be there for her to have a good day. I love spending time with her, but I feel guitly if I don't. I don't want to feel like that. She is so worried about losing me, or messing up, that it is putting a lot of unneeded stress on her. I wish she would understand that I know she is human, as am I, and I understand that people make mistakes, and I do not plan to leave her for that... I just don't know. Anyway, I am good, but work is pulling me away from this... Bye

What a weekend

2003-08-04T16:25:40Z

Well,

This past 4 days has just been like a rollercoaster of emotions, thoughts, feelings, conversations, fights, hurt, pain, love, compassion, and all around crazyness. I have a doctor's appt today to look at my eye. YEAH!

Waiting

2003-08-02T18:35:10Z

Well I am sitting here waiting for the girls to finsih getting ready. I really can't think of anything to type, imagine that, me, having nothing to say. Hee hee... that is funny... Ummm... Kari just came out of the bathroom, and I heard a door shut, so I assume that Kori just went in. I think that it is going to be fun today. I am looking forward to it. You should have seen this HUGE pickle that Angel got me. I was monsterous. I am telling you it was very large indeed. I ate it all this morn. I love pickles, they are just, ummm, good. Yeah that's it, just good. I like them. I should really just go get a phone. I was going to get a Verizon phone, and everyone says they are really good, but then Kari's mom says that she hated it when she had them, and she had dropped calls all the time. Angel just got her's and at least she can talk down in the basement on it. Full signal. I wanted to call her and say "Can you hear me now?" but I did not. I don't know what I am going to do Sept 1. That is when I told Duane and Angel I would be out, but I don't know what I am going to do. Options: Move in by my self, Kari's (I need to have a one on one talk with her mom bout that), get a place with Levi, or Al (he mentioned that last week). I don't know.............................

Sleep

2003-07-31T17:30:10Z

God I slept so well last night, and this morning, I just did not want to get out of bed... Kari took me over to Al's this morning (I rode to work with him) so she could use the car to go take her test today! I am super excited for her, and hope that she does really well. I think that she will do fine. I took and passed the online Oregon State Marine Board Boater's Safety Exam today, so I applied to get my boater safety card. It sucks that you need one to boat here, but I guess it is a smart idea. My Eye is freaking killing today. It itches very bad, and is sore, not to mention that I cannot see out of it. Everything is really blurry. I got some ointment for it though, hopefully it will help. Gonna go back to work now... buh-bye....

Here comes lunch

2003-07-29T18:31:55Z

Well, I am not sure how I am feeling today. I have not really had time to think about it. I have been so freaking busy all day! I have had to play catch up from missing Friday at work, then only working for three hours yesterday. I feel good about my progress today. I just got done reading Kari's entry and I know exactly what she is talking about, and I agree this is something that needs some serious thought. I think that we need to really discuss it before we make any decisions... Yesterday I stayed in my own bed, and slept really well. It was so nice and cool in the basement. I actually had to use a blanket! ahhhh... I wish that I was not such a hot fucking sleeper. I am like a human heater. I was going to stay at Kari's but I needed a good nights sleep, and Chris was coming over... I really have no desire to meet this guy. Not one ounce of me even wants to see him, better yet, meet or actually talk to him. That is really not fair of me, since I only know of what Kori and Kari say about him, and I never form an opinion based on what other people say, but I don't know. I am thinking, now that Kori has seen him, she will see a lot more of him while he is home. I have a million things to say, but I don't have them sorted out in my head, so I just will close with this thought:

Sitting here, dreaming, passing the hours... When they are gone, what am I really left with?

M-O-N-D-A-Y--S-U-C-K-S

2003-07-28T19:04:52Z

What's the worst day of the week, that gets us all upset? M-O-N-D-A-Y-S-U-C-K-S. Monday sucks, Monday, Monday, Monday, Monday Sucks! Well today has been just a WOOOONDERFUL day. (I hope you are catching the sarcasm, because I am laying in on pretty thick. I am not tired, which is a good thing. I thought that I would be pretty tired all day, and after I finally got my lazy ass out of bed, I was doing pretty good. However, if it could go wrong today, it did. First I got to work, and one of the reservists that drilled this weekend took my uniform home with him! Ahhhhh! So I get to work, and realize I have not uniform. So I have to drive back home, iron and put on a uniform, so I chatted with Angel for a while, then on my way back to work, I got pulled over. One of the blankets from the drive in last night was hanging out of the hatch, and covering my plate, so I got pulled over for not having a visible plate (BULLSHIT), no ticket or anything, but a waste of like 20 mins! Then I got to work, typed up so orders, and went to deliver them to someone, and when walking back to my building, a god damned, mother fucking, shit sucking, ass cunt bird shit on me. Right on my mother fucking shoulder. Pissed me right the fuck off. Must have been pretty funny though to see me fucking yelling and cussing (and throwing shit) at this bird, who was just sitting there, looking, as if to say, "Ha! I shit right on your shoulder, and there is nothing you can do about it!" Anyway, the rest of the morning has been good, and I am off at 1300hrs, due to the fact that I have an appointment to see a doctor. On a better note today, Nate wrote me an email, I had not heard from him in a while, so that was awesome! Anyway, if I am to get off early, I need to go. Bye all...

Weekend

2003-07-27T19:10:10Z

My weekend is going good, relaxing. My ride a long was great, we did a lot of cool stuff. Kari's mom asked if I was serious about moving in there. I told her it was most certainly something that we could talk about. I need to get a lot of stuff done this comming month. I need to get a new cell. I am shopping around b/c I know that I do not want t-mobile, the sevice is was to shitty, but the other services have a high cost to minute ratio. Gotta run...

Sittin here

2003-07-25T05:00:02Z

Well I am sitting here, chilling out, while Kari is showering, well she actually just walked in the room, so now I am going to have to cut this short... I feel weird typing while everyone is just chilling out here, you know? Anyway, I was going to update you on my day, but now I will have to do it tomorrow after my RAL with John... It is going to be a blast, I am stoked! Talk to you soon...

Lunch

2003-07-24T18:58:59Z

Yummy! I am eating a cheese burger right now, a 1/3lb burger with pepperjack cheese! Yum Yum! I was sitting here (at Al's desk) thinking that I should write a bit. I have a break from ID cards, but they will more than likely be filling this joint up again soon! ****eating**** I am so awake and alive today, and it feels good. I have a ton of energy too (which is so atypical of me... okay I know, yeah right!). Kari left a note in my car this morning which made me smile all the way to work. That girl ROCKS! There is this fat as guy that works in the naval reserve that I just want to tell to get a treadmill! ahh.. customers, gotta run...

Finally Friday!

2003-07-24T14:48:31Z

Okay, okay, some may think that I need to take my dumb ass over to a calendar and check the day... Well, it is my "work week Friday" since I do not have to work tomorrow... I get to go a RAL with VPD tomorrow. It is going to fucking rock! Yeah! I am in a good mood, although I woke Kori up (She was sleeping in Kari's bed) this morning and feel kinda bad about that... I laid in bed with Kari for a long time this morning, I decided I would just take a shower at work rather than go home and take one. Well, I guess I should start some stupid work, I have been bullshitting and eating breakfast all morning with Pat. Tah-Tah For Now....

Workin, workin, workin...

2003-07-23T20:34:06Z

Well, my Oral Board went fucking great! I feel really, really good about it. Work has been good, I just finished playing ultimate frisbee (yeah, I know, tough stuff), lost by one, shoulda won though. I dropped to scoring plays... ahhgggg... Work has been crazy, everyone thinks that their problem should be my biggest problem/priority. They don't realize that the only things that will make me stop everything I am doing is pay problems, medical emergencies, and anything the Commanding Officer wants of course... I just read my entry, and I am not making a whole lot of sense... I am kind of scattered brained right now... Talk to you all later...

Last night sucked...

2003-07-22T15:48:53Z

Last night sucked, but I feel a lot better today. Fuck her, I realize now that I just hate her. Plain and simple. I thought that maybe we would remain friends, but no, there is just hate there. That is all... Kari makes me so happy, and I wish I could take the pain, and confusion that she feels, and just absorb it for her, but I feel to much of that crap for myself. Maybe we can find a way to throw both of ours away... :) SHIT! I need to do some stupid fucking work, I will write later... I have so much to say, and no time right now.... FUCK WORK TODAY!

p.s. pat is back! YEAH!

awedin @ 2003-07-21T14:40:00

2003-07-21T21:41:30Z

I just want to scream! God my computer is working so slow! To compare, if the average computer was like a fiber optic laser light show, my work one would be like a fucking candle! Most of the time it hauls ass, but slow shit right now. I have a shit ton of fucking work to do, and cannot because it requires speeds in excess of a turtle (For you Kori: "Am I not turtley enough for the Turtle Club?"). Anyway, today (with the exception of this computer) has been a great day... I was aching to hear her voice so I called her today, woke her up, but hey it was 1100hrs anyway, she needed to get up! :) My boss has been super cool today, and Pat comes back tomorrow, which will be nice. Getting up was hard to do today. Last night, about 0415hrs, she woke me up. She said, "Nick. Nick." "Yeah?" "My stomach hurts, can you please just hold me?" I did, and just smiled. Ahhh....
****thinking****
It was nice... So when the alarm went off, and Kari told me it was just after 0500hrs I looked at the clock, and was like, "Nope. I'm not going to do it. Not getting up yet." I just laid there, holding her. Well, I finally pulled my ass out of the rack at about 0645hrs (mind you, I am supposed to be to work at 0700hrs) and kissed her, and took off for the office. I am sure the sight of me getting out of my car, and coming into the office in my PJ's holding my spit kit was a riot. I brushed my chops, hopped into a uniform, and started my day. It was a great morning! ;) I have thought about things, and convinced myself of what needs to be done, and what has to be thought, and I am ready to rock and roll. Anyway, time to get to work, movin on... Laters.

awedin @ 2003-07-21T07:38:00

2003-07-21T15:21:16Z

Lost within this world you've shattered
the truth has come, taunting me
overwhelming urge to wander
to the light, please set me free

How dare you gaze upon me, judging
what I am, who I should be
for all this time I have spent watching
allowing you to take the lead

Twisted eyes are filled with wonder
as the babies breath is burning
wilted roses, black and fading
you lie there anticipating....

My next move, you shall wait forever

Tired of the games she's playing
this life is mine, just leave me be
no longer seeking her approval
She quit, she walked away from me

Mirror image has now splintered
crooked lines reflect my deeds
reflections once appeared in crystal
became the fears you hold in me

Slipping, slowly
as i'm
falling
through this pane of glass
I jumped for some reason
grasping
nothing's there
as I scream
falling forever

I wish that I could just sort this shit out. What is my fucking deal? Shit used to come so easy to me, and there was never any questions. Now I ask hundreds of questions, and get now answers... FUCK!

Whew

2003-07-18T21:04:12Z

Wow!

What a day today has been. I feel good. I have kicked ass at work, and am proud of me. I have to work tomorrow morning though, and I am not too excited about that... I have watch from 0600-1130hrs which will give me some much needed time to study my ass off! I really need to, I can't believe that I did not even know who the Sheriff was the other day... GARRY E. LUCAS... Won't forget that again!!! I was in a shitty mood yesterday, and was not fair to Kari. I tried to pull myself out of the mood, and tell some jokes (jokes always get me out of a shitty mood), but Kari took them serious, so I guess that was a lost cause... I need to figure out what the fuck is going on in my head, b/c I am feeling shit that is wrong, and some that is right, and now I cannot decipher between the two. I don't know if what I am thinking is right, wrong, stupid, smart, good, bad, wonderful, shitty, maybe it's nothing and I'm under the weather... Ahhhhhh! Yesterday Pat came home, and I am kinda glad, I was getting sick of driving all the way out there to water, but that hour of watering was nice, gave me time to think in a beautiful place. I wish I had my own place. I need to move out, but to do that I need to stop spending money, and start saving again. I fucking hate Amy, she is draggin her feet on my stupid ass divorce, and she thinks that I am okay with that. I should just go file here, and piss her off, but I am sure she would contest here, and I cannot afford a fuck blood sucking lawyer... AHHHHHH Makes me want to scream! Kari is worried, she worries a lot and I am not sure why. Sometimes it drives me nuts, but at least I never have to! :) She worries enough for both of us. I try to be understanding, but sometimes I just don't understand... I just want to tell her to chill out, relax, and let life happen to her. She wants to control everything that is happening in her life, so she gets scared to try new things, I think that it is because she feels out of control, and worries what other people (i.e. ME) might think. I also think that she worries about what I think too much. We are going to dinner tonight with Amy and Buck. I am excited about that, I am going to miss Amy a lot, and work is going to be a lot tougher. I took for granted that she was here. She is such a wealth of knowledge, but it is good, it will force me to learn more. I need to make E-5 soon. It pisses me off that I did not take the test in May. I know that I would have done well, and be making E-5 soon. I should not have stuck around in Hawaii so long, and should not have taken that assignment in recruiting. If I would not have done that, I would be getting ready to make E-6 by now, and not still an E-4. ahhh... makes me want to scream... enough rambling, I need to get back to work. Bye

Weird

2003-07-17T15:57:37Z

I am not sure what is going on, and I wish I could figure it out. The thoughts of confusion that are racing around in my head are starting to drive me absolutely nuts! I don't know what I should think, and I know that some of these thoughts are right, and an equal amount of them are wrong... I had the weirdest dream last night, there was this woman without a face, and she kept saying over and over again, "A soft whisper escapes my lips, twisting and swirling through an array of thoughts and distractions, trying to reach it's long awaited destination... When you hear that whisper, you shall know.." Know what? What the fuck is that supposed to mean!?!? Ahhh... I woke up after that at like 4:00, and slept like crap after that. Then woke up in a bad mood this morning. Now I am spending my morning trying to get out of the shitty ass funk of a mood. Since my trip to Idaho, shit has been all messed up in my head, which sucks, just when I thought I shit figured out again, someone is like, "BAM! Thought you had it all figured out, huh? Well, NOPE, you are all fucked up all over again! Ha Ha" The worst part of all of this, is that I know what I want, and what I need... Oh well...